I can’t believe it has been three years since I wrote.
I don’t know what makes me sadder — the fact that I have not found the time to reflect on my life for whatever reason or if this means I am that miserable to turn into writing again. Nonetheless, this is what I feel like doing… so I am gonna go for it!
Indeed, when you reach a certain age you lose count of the days and you don’t notice how time flies so fast. You struggle to remember the last time you did something great or fun.
Wanted to start asking all of you now, “What have you been up to?”
I would normally ask “How are you?” but I realized that it is such a loaded statement especially when you come across a long lost friend. Really, how do you start answering that question?
Some will probably be caught off guard and just be decent enough to reply with “I am OK” or “Never been better”. Often times though I look them in the eyes and try to find the answer I am keen to look for. Are you really OK? Is anything bothering you? Do you have something that you want to offload?
As per my case, I am both good and not good. I feel good about the things I have done in my profession/passion but my body has aged and grown weaker. Developed hyperthyroidism which caused lazy eye and series of hormonal imbalance. Sounds heavy? Well, there are real great things too.
Like I gave birth to a cute charming baby boy named Marcus. Who can speak and somehow read as early as two years old. Who would say that I am the only one he loves and that he wants to be go with me wherever. Such an adorable little man. Three months ago he had a convulsion which resulted to a dramatic ER stint. Thankfully, he overcame it like a rock star.
I have met some new inspiring people and lost some old friends along the way. Got married at some point because I thought it was the right thing to do and until now working hard to make a healthy family.
So many things happened but still not sure where to start…
My sweet great Alexandra is now a teenager and starting to have her own little world. A world where she only sees me as a part of it as opposed to the yester years when she revolved around me. So much change that I did not notice.
I have forgotten how to stop and how to live. I have forgotten the reason why I am doing the things I do or why I started in the first place. I would blame it to aging and adulthood. Our own and social expectations have been putting our shoulders too much pressure. Enough for us to skip the whole journey and just mope in the end.
Then again I am glad for small things. I am happy that I stumbled upon my blog again as it reminded me of who I was once and where I wanted to be. It does not matter if anybody reads this or not. What matters the most is that I found this want to write again. I have so many things in mind. I have so much to write about but those things can wait and for now… I stop. and just enjoy the words that flowed from my mind to my fingers. Like a concerted effort of mind and body.
So there, that is how I have been. For now, let me end my note with “My friend, how are you? Really.”